Murphy's Law corollaries
Most everyone is familiar with Murphy’s Law, the
one that states “If something can go wrong , it will.” Not
everyone is familiar with the corollaries to Mr. Murphy’s inescapable
rule, however. There are several of these.
For starters, there is the addition attributed to Mrs. Murphy: “Murphy
was an optimist.”
Then there is a corollary that can be immediately understood by every
parent of a small child. “The odds of the bread falling with the
buttered side up are inversely proportional to the cost of the carpet.”
Those with a financial turn of mind will appreciate the corollary known
as Hanlon’s Razor: “On the day you’d sell your soul
for something, souls are a glut.” For those of you who are unfamiliar
with the terminology of investments, when something is a glut, there
is so much of it for sale that none of it is worth very much. Try selling
a Beanie Baby for a profit these days.
My all time favorite corollary is “Never attribute to malice that
which is adequately explained by stupidity.” In other words, just
because somebody screws something up beyond all recognition and, in
the process, gets you into hot water, don’t automatically assume
it was because they meant to do harm to you. My experience indicates
that there are far more stupid people in the world than evil or mean
people.
Young folks especially should always remember that all authority figures
are not necessarily “out to get them.” Sometimes they are
just unfortunate. They aren’t malicious, they just can’t
help screwing up because that’s part of their nature, and more
often than not, somebody (you) ends up becoming an innocent by-stander.
Most times, though, that person in a position of authority who makes
your life miserable is, himself of herself, a victim of another all-pervasive
bit of wisdom known as the Peter Principle. This dictum states that
“People tend to get promoted to their level of incompetence.”
A good salesman who gets promoted isn’t necessarily going to make
a good sales manager.
The example I’ve encountered most often is that a good reporter
or writer isn’t necessarily going to be a good editor. The skills
required for the two positions are similar but not exactly the same.
In fact I’ve known quite a few very good editors whose own written
works read as though they were written by a 12-year-old.
By the same token I’ve known many excellent writers who completely
lacked the judgement necessary to edit someone else’s work. Unfortunately,
far too many English teachers fall into this category.
It is my belief that every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth
has encountered or will encounter a victim of the Peter Principle at
one time or another. It is as inevitable as the sun rising in the east.
Of course, not every nitwit you run across is a victim of the Peter
Principle or even an example of one of the corollaries of Murphy’s
Law. Some people are just plain goofy.
You know the sort I’m talking about, gentle readers, the kind
that couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions written
upside down on the heel.