You know you’re in a small town...

As a native big city boy, many people, including my wife, were afraid when we moved here 14 years ago, that I would not be able to adjust to small town life. I will be willing to admit that had we not lived in Forrest City for several years before moving to Hazen, the transition from life in Memphis probably would have been a lot rougher on me.
For instance, When living in Memphis, if I wanted to go to a ball game, I could go a relatively few blocks down the street and see the minor league team I had followed all my life, the Memphis Chickasaws (better known as the Chicks). These days if I get a hankering (that’s another thing - when I lived in a big city, I never got a “hankering” - if I wanted to do something, I just went and did it) to go to a ball game, after the high school season ends, I have to drive to Little Rock to watch a Class AA farm club of the now-World Champion Anaheim Angels.
Pretty much the same story applies to a movie, a play, a museum, or just about any other cultural, musical or artistic activity (and, yes, a baseball game is a cultural activity). Sorry folks, I have nothing against country or gospel music, but it just isn’t my cup of tea, so to speak
Overall, however, I enjoy living in a small town, at least I do now that most everybody knows who I am and fewer people look at me like I’m about to steal something. I got that look a lot when I first moved here.
One thing of which I have become keenly aware over the years is the little indicators which tell you that you are in a small town .Here are my top ten
1) When people tell you how far away something is, they are far more likely to express the distance in miles. In a city, the distance is measured in minutes or hours of travel time;
2) In a small town, the ordinal directions of north, south, east and west have meaning that everyone agrees on. In a city, telling someone to turn north is like telling them to swim to Jupiter, it just isn’t useful information. You have to tell them “right, left or straight.” No other directions will register in the urban brain;
3) If you ask for somebody’s street address, and the person you ask looks at you like you just fell off the back of a truck on to your head, odds are you’re in a small town. The hesitation is only momentary, though. They just figure you misspoke yourself and proceed to ask “Do you know where Jerry Carter’s mother used to live? It’s just north of there.”
4) If you can talk to or even locate your banker on Saturday, you’re in a small town;
5) If you have to pick up your own pizza, or dry cleaning, but the auto mechanic will bring your car back to you, you’re in a small town;
6) If a business closes at 5:30 p.m. on a regular basis and isn’t open at all on Saturday, you’re in a small town;
7) If you don’t have to show three forms of identification and give a blood sample to write a check, you’re in a small town;
8) In the unlikely circumstance that you run into someone working in a commercial establishment who doesn’t know you, but they still call you “hon” and tell you to say hello to your spouse when you leave, you’re in a small town;
9) If the average funeral cortege is at least three times longer than the Christmas parade, you’re in a small town;
10) And finally, if people who aren’t related to him and don’t even know him personally still know where the local high school football hero is going to college, you’re in a small town (witness Clarendon and Cedric Houston).